I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
