OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
