So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Help. Why am I so naked?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
