My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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