No stitches, just platelets and will power
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
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