YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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