It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
