I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
