ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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