This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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