i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
