i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
