you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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