That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
