Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
