My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Slut skills are useful in every country.
it's like iHOP with fire
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
