So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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