I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
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Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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