in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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