i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
