literally had 100 drinks last night.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
