so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
