Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
