cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
