Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
