I CAN MOONWALK!
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
