I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
