Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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