i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
