i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
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I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
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i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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