It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
