I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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