allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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