pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
