the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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