do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
