she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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