Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida