No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.