He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
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my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
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he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.