dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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