I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
