I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Barsexuality is the new black.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
