Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I did not marry a roomba.
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