I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize