Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
