He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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