So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
