like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
