the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
