Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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