she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
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I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
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Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You ruined the universe
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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