Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
