it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
