Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
