You're my little dorito
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The power of my boobs compel you
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
