dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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