Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
