Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
